Flash! Embargoed news, not to be released until 10:00 a.m. 28 June when Justice Souter will announce the decision.
In a surprise announcement, Justice Souter announced a decision of the Supreme Court for a case that they had not been asked to decide. Justice Souter, announces that after a review of International Law, specifically, the Constitution of the former Soviet Union, and the Constitution of the Republic of Iran, that the US Constitution is unconstitutional. Souter, appointed by President Bush 41, said that the problem with the former US Cosnstitution, was the emphasis on individual rights and a limitation on the powers of the government.
"This is counterproductive to good governance, and the greater public good," Souter said. This Court has been going on this line of reasoning for quite some time. "We find that the Constitution was fine for 18th and 19th Century America, but it was quickly becoming irrelevant to the changes in our country that we have experienced in the last 40 years." "As we noted in Kelo, 5th Amendment rights to private property are incompatible with the need for local governments to sell it to developers who will be able to generate more tax revenue for the governing entities. All of the rest of the Amendments to the Cosnstitution are overruled as well, except for the 3rd Amendment, and then only as it applies to homes of the judiciary."
We also find that the division of authority between three branches to be highly inefficient, so we are striking Articles I and II, and outlawing the executive and legislative branches, Souter said. "Look, he saId, we are getting tired of everyone complaining about the logical inconsistencies of our rulings." "In fact, some of our critics are a real pain!" "We are the US Supreme Court, dammnit! We can do whatever we want and there is nothing anyone can do about it." As Souter noted, "You don't get to be a Supreme Court Justice without having more brains than anyone else." We are tired of having to rely on the old doctrines like stare decisis.
"We will just let you know what you will be allowed to do, and that will be the end of it."
Souter's opinion was unanimous on a 5-0 vote. The other 4 justices were unable to be located for comment. Rumor has it that they were arres. . .
YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR. WE ARE SMARTER THAN YOU. COOPERATE, OR BE ARRESTED.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION, AND MAY GOD SAVE THIS HONORABLE COURT.