St. Barak (p.b.u.h), Slayer of the lesser Satan Osama bin Laden with his own bare hands, Halter of the Rise of the Oceans, Healer of the Planet and Defender of the Faith in Big Government, was sorely vexed. For he had looked into the future and realized that the Rubes were not coming round to him after all of his Good Works. After all, had He not used his Stimulus and takeover of the car companies to properly reward His acolytes in the Democrat Party? Did He not orchestrate the passage of the Blessed ObamaCare for the benefit of AARP? Did He not reward the money changers in the Temple of Goldman Sachs with his Dodd-Frank bill? And after all of these Good Works, still, His poll numbers were in the tank.
"This is all the fault of the Greater Satan -those republicans" announced St. Barak. They have stood in the way of My Will to perform Great Deeds and render a permanent Democrat Majority Ruling Party as it is Written. So, St. Barak consulted with his Twin Brother, Jesus Christ (in the form of the blessed David Axelrod) and asked, "What more do these peasants want from Me?" And Jesus Axelrod did reply "Lord, they are Bitter Clingers who clutch their guns and Bibles and ignore Your Blessed Will." "You must therefore coopt their religion against them in order to fool, er, I mean show them the One True Way." "You must tell them that their beloved Jesus Christ (even though this is heresy in the religion of St. Barak) would have demanded higher tax rates, for while they should render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's and unto God, that which is God's. there is no Caesar any longer, and there is no God but You."
And St. Barak looked down on Axelrod and said "It is true, My will can be foisted off on the rubes because they are simple and ignorant and believe in silly Sky Gods." "I shall announce that Jesus did not have the advantages of the Blessed Script of the Holy Tax Code, and that is why he did not call for higher taxes." But if he had our Blessed Script, he would have realized that it is God's Will that Solyndra and other Green Energy programs are the best way to funnel money to My backers, as it is their right and due." Further, sayeth St. Barak "And I shall declare as demons, all those who oppose me, whether they are the Greater Satans of republicans or Satans own spawn the Tea Partiers," "It shall be heresy to oppose the Holy Democrat Party from henceforth, punishable by excommunication and the seizure of their wealth for the good of the Party, er, I mean the People." "Further sayeth St. Barak, "That treating the poor is not to be allowed to individuals, but shall only be done through the offices of the Blessed Federal Government, to whom all owe both fealty and their wealth, except for the Holy Democrat Party Believers, who shall be exempt from the wealth confiscation." And St. Barak saw all that He had done, and He said that it was Good.
And the angels of Heaven opened up with some Al Green to celebrate the Immaculation of St. Barak.